Atheism to be outlawed
Atheists will no longer be able to claim god doesn’t exist for fear of offending Christians and Muslims, under radical social welfare changes announced by Peter Hain.
Up to 4000 atheists who previously published scientific and philosophical journals are having their work systematically removed from libraries and universities across the UK.
Yesterday, Social Welfare minister Jonathan Bilgraith told religious leaders there would be dramatic changes as part of the new Brown government, which he hoped other European countries follow.
From January 2008 it will be compulsory to be affiliated with a religious group. This, they believe will instantly solve most social and economic problems being faced today.
According to an editor at BBC News 24, the torrent of information from the public helped shape the new policy. The editor also “leaked” a document from the Church of England demanding its congregation sign the Downing St petition against organized atheism.
The Right Reverend and Right Honourable Richard John Carew Chartes is adamant the governments heavy handed approach is what society needs. Speaking from his home in Dean’s Court, London, the Bishop issued the following statement, “Atheism is a selfish and sinful path that leads to the destruction of the immortal soul. Forcing people to chose a faith is the next step in Christ’s evangelizing work. By removing science, reason, debate, conjecture and independent thought, we can finally say we have engineered a society modelled on Christian principles.”
When asked what happens to those who wont conform, the Bishop lowered his voice and said, “Remember what happened to Christians during the Roman empire? Well the tables have finally turned”
Last night, the London and Whipsnade Zoo Lion enclosures were closed off to the public until further notice.
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